ABOUT CHRIS CADAVER AND EYEBALL CIRCUS!

About CHRIS CADAVER:

Chris Cadaver is me. I wrote everything on this website you’ve read, including all of these words. I’m also a dude who grew up in New York, and who now lives in Portland, Oregon.  I drink a lot, and I enjoy punching things.  My car is way shittier than yours.  I make fun of things at a professional level. I am flawless and would be happy to get your wife pregnant for you.  I look like this:

me2

Yes, I have a massive septum ring.  I have a bunch of rings, actually.

Contact:

If you need to get a hold of me, say the magic summoning chant that comes in every pack of Eyeball Circus Bubble Gum and I will appear in reflective surfaces when you aren’t looking directly at them.

If that doesn’t work, you can send all questions/comments/death threats/declarations of love to:

chriscadaver@eyeballcircus.com

About EYEBALL CIRCUS:

I decided to start a website after screaming insults into the night was no longer enough to sate my mockery-thirst, and Eyeball Circus was the end result of my crippling mental deficiencies.  It’s got luscious bedroom eyes and is a perfect substitute for your parents.  Eyeball Circus updates (mostly) every Monday morning whenever I get around to doing it, which usually ends up being around 10 to 12-ish PST.

All featured articles are copyrighted property of the author and are not to be reprinted or duplicated in any fashion without consent. DON’T STEAL MY SHIT.

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
This site is also still under construction, so yes, I’m aware that it looks like shit. It’ll get better.

 

One thought on “ABOUT CHRIS CADAVER AND EYEBALL CIRCUS!

  1. I randomly found one of your articles and found your writing style hilarious. Keep it up. Write a book or do more investigative journalism. Other than that, you look like shit – shave your fucking beard you Portland hippie faggot

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