Ever since I dropkicked NBC’s Matt Lauer into a vat of acid at the most recent Journalist Thunderdome Association’s deathmatch and chili cookoff jamboree, I’ve been under a lot of pressure as the world’s sole remaining news source. So it’s with a heavy heart that I’m forced to take a momentary break from banging Glenn Beck’s mom to offer you this breaking news story involving TV’s beloved Duggar Family: their son Josh is a kid touching piece of shit who molested his sisters. What’s more, his father Jim Bob, who once ran for office on a platform of executing those guilty of incest, attempted to cover it up. He did in fact go to the police with it eventually, but only to a state trooper who was both a family friend and a lover of child pornography, as it turns out. So yeah, this story has more rich and vibrant layers than the Journalist Thunderdome Association’s post-deathmatch celebration orgy, so sorry Glenn Beck’s mom, your cavernous vagina will have to wait: there’s news afoot!
Today, I'd like to offer you a window into a different world. The ideas of institutionalized racism, police brutality, and the murder of unarmed black men have been really hot button issues the last few years. For the most part, I've been pretty silent about them. I didn't touch the Trayvon Martin case, and I only very briefly commented on the Michael Brown case, and there's a very deliberate reason for that: they make me too angry to be funny. Eyeball Circus deals in a lot of social commentary, but always filtered through the lens of comedy, because making jokes and giving people something to laugh about is why I started this site in the first place. Well, with the recent grand jury ruling against indictment in the case of Eric Garner's murder, I think it's high time I threw my thoughts in. A while back I discussed the fetid waste pool that is the comments section of Yahoo News, and I decided to ignore my instinct for self preservation and go back there. Now, I feel like I've crafted an audience of Fox News hating, religious bullshit bashing, gay loving, misogyny hating superheroes here, so I'm guessing a fair amount of the people reading this will for the most part agree with my assessment of the case. But that's not the point of what I'm discussing today. Today I'm taking comments from this Yahoo article about the protests in NYC surrounding the grand jury decision to get a broader view of public opinion. So let's take a look into the minds of the psychotic racists on the other side of the dipshit fence, shall we?
This week at Eyeball Circus, I’d like to talk about an interesting bit of news from our neighbors up north, Canada (I was as shocked as you are that Canada is capable of producing news). A few weeks ago the city of Vancouver wrapped up its gay pride celebration, and on the surface everything seemed to go swimmingly. But unfortunately, hiding underneath the rainbow veneer was a bubbling evil with sinister intentions, on a deep-undercover mission to destroy the only occasion all year long where it’s acceptable to wear a cock-sock in public. Continue reading