Running for President is supposed to be a serious endeavor. The goal is to weed out those unsuitable to lead and bring forth the best of the best for America to choose from every election. As I showed you recently, a lot of people didn't seem to understand that idea when they signed up to be official Presidential candidates. Well, as it turns out the one natural resource that America never seems to run out of is crazy. So I'd like to show you 4 more potential occupiers of our most esteemed office that are as crazy and stupid as a person can legally be while still being allowed to operate a voting machine. We've got a lot to cover, so let's jump right in:
If you're like most Americans who get all their news from PornHub, you'd probably be surprised to learn that a Presidential election is right around the corner. Also, what you might not know is that it's not super difficult to run for President. That's what great about democracy: any batshit idiot can fill out some paperwork and try to change the world. It's with this in mind I'd like to take a look at some of the small time people running for the most powerful office on the planet that the regular news doesn't bother talking about. I'll go over each potential country-destroyer's background and platform, as well as offer a silver lining on the (extremely) off chance they end up winning. Let's begin!
So, remember last week when I told you the world was coming to an end and that society is thoroughly fucked? Well, as it happens what I'd like to talk about this week is directly related to that idea. Specifically, Mike Huckabee is running for President, and he will undoubtedly bring with him the end of days. Even though none of this will matter after he's exterminated us for being non-believers of his gospel, I'd like to debut this as the first installment in a recurring subset of my Chris Cadaver: Character Assassin articles that will highlight Presidential candidates for the 2016 election. So without further adieu, let's take a look at this fat, ignorant piece of shit and see what he's all about. Shall we?
Dear readers, do you know what's worse than a movie star? I'll tell you: a self righteous, know-it-all dipshit moron movie star. And while many of your minds undoubtedly drifted to thoughts of part time actress and full time child murderer Jenny McCarthy, she's actually not who I'd like to talk about today. Tom Cruise is undoubtedly one of the most successful and well known movie stars of all time. If most of us were in his position, we'd likely have enough sense to shut the hell up and enjoy having massive orgies with Victoria's Secret models on our diamond encrusted beds, but instead Tom uses his platform to spew bullshit and misinformation to the masses. So, without further ado, here's why Tom Cruise is a giant dickhead who should be shunned by society at large, and quite possibly an alien life form posing in a human suit.