Hello again, wonderful readers of the matrix. It’s Grandpa Cadaver, once more filling in for Chris to fill your magic intraweb boxes with horrible music. Chris wanted to be here this week, but unfortunately he’s been tied up with some legal matters. I guess he was involved in some kind of transsexual prostitution ring and got caught in a police sting offering handjobs in exchange for Victoria’s Secret gift cards. He tried to run but one of his high heels got stuck in a storm drain and the cops were able to subdue him after a healthy round or five of tasering. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with that boy, but he’s easily in the top 5 for bizarre criminal records in our family. Continue reading
Well hello again to you all internetizens. It’s Grandpa Cadaver, once again filling in for Chris to add a little bit of charm to his stupid website. He was going to write an entry this week, but he’s been locked in his room ever since a few days ago when he got a giant package containing something called a Real Doll. I don’t know what’s going on in there but he’s making sounds like a walrus trying to pass a kidney stone, and the smell that’s leaking out from under the door is like a chemical spill in a butthole factory. Continue reading
Well, it’s nice to see you again internet. It’s Grandpa Cadaver, here with another thrilling adventure into modern music. I’m filling in for Chris once again, as it seems he’s too busy at his other job away from writing. I’m pretty sure he dresses up in a suit as a travelling lawyer and tricks old women into putting him into their wills with seduction. Yet, as morally reprehensible as that fucker is, it’s still not nearly as bad as the musical crap sandwich I have for you today. So let’s tuck our napkins into our shirts, lay our out good china and make our digestive tracts think they’re having a war flashback, shall we?
The album I selected for today’s column is rapper T.I.’s newest release entitled ‘Trouble Man: Heavy Is The Head’. Continue reading
Hello out there again, citizens of the internet. This is that shithead Chris’ grandpa again, here to put some class back in his dumb website with my explorations into modern music. Like the last time, I tried to ask Chris what bands are popular with young people these days, but he was too busy ransacking my medicine cabinet for Sudafed. He said it was for a school science project, which is weird because I’m almost positive that he’s a 26 year old that only wears his school boy outfit when he hangs out at the docks at night. Continue reading