100 Reasons It’s Great To Be A Guy (Part 2)

     Last week at Eyeball Circus, I talked about this stupid list of 100 reasons it’s great to be a guy written by some idiot sitting in a cloud of his own farts.  I’ve already covered the first 50 items on the aforementioned list (which you can read here), and now I’d like to go through 51 through 100.  As you’ll soon see, the author of this list was almost certainly fed high yield insecticide instead of baby formula when he was an infant, and this sad fact really shines through in his writing.  Let’s begin: Continue reading

100 Reasons It’s Great To Be A Guy (Part 1)

     For centuries, the idiots of the world have pondered the best things about being a guy.  Is it the ample selection of jock itch sprays?  Is it the way we look terrible in button down shirts?  Is it the fact that when women want to take down an evil organization they’re Erin Brockovich, and when men do it they dip their hands in broken glass and kick Asian men to death? Continue reading

8 Tips For When Your Wife Refuses To Sleep With You

     Guys of the world, what should you do if your wife suddenly stops backing that thing up on you?  Some of you are probably coming up with obvious solutions like ‘give her a massage to get her in the mood’ or ‘try to line up your monthly shower with her menstrual cycle’.  Apparently, the answer isn’t all that simple.  Enter this article titled “8 Steps To Confront Your Wife’s Sexual Refusal“, which purports to solve this very conundrum while staying within the boundaries of good ‘ol Christian morality.  Of course, therein lies the problem.  Christians have more hangups and misconceptions about sex than a virgin whose only interactions with women have been dissecting them.  So without further ado, let’s see what this nutjob author has to say on the matter: Continue reading

50 Things Every Boring, Empty-Headed Man Should Own

     Good afternoon readers!  Like all stupid men of the world, I spend most of my waking hours wondering if I’m being a ‘man’ correctly.  Luckily, there’s no shortage of online resources to turn to if your man-o-meter is perpetually stuck on ‘not quite man’.  Enter this dumbshit article titled ‘50 Things Every Man Should Own‘ that finally gives us a checklist to masculinity, because masculinity is something you achieve through purchasing items.  There’s nothing about qualities men should strive toward or noble pursuits men should undertake to better themselves, it’s just a goddamn shopping list. Continue reading